The Precipice

Darryl’s Story

Another one has passed through the veil.  It is my pain to say that he was not a stranger to me.

I have known Darryl all my life.  He was there when I was a boy, sharing chores, vacations, and the daily grind of life.

Being younger than me, he always wanted to hang out with me and my friends.  I was only 2 ½ years older than him, but at the time, the difference in age seemed insurmountable.  I mean really, who wants their younger brother tagging along all the time?

We Did Connect

Darryl was always a little different.  Doctors diagnosed him as hyperactive.  The official term is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder – ADHD.  Ritalin was given to treat him.  This began a lifelong history of drug use and eventually, abuse.

We grew up and went our separate ways.  Darryl started working for an ambulance company in California and I went to work for a Mexican restaurant in Alaska.

I confess that I did not follow his life closely for many years.  I was too busy with my own life and mistakes.  We would check in with each other somewhat irregularly, but we did connect through the years.  I found our conversations to be more of a listening event for me as he rattled off everything he was doing in his life.

Listen and Express Sympathy

From my perspective, Darryl had three phases to his life.

The first was of a man who went to work and began to have dreams of building a life and family.  All seemed normal for Darryl and I remember thinking the issues he dealt with as a boy would evaporate, leaving him an opportunity to have a fruitful life.

When Darryl left the ambulance company, I never realized how the trauma affected him.  It was not until the third phase of his life that what he experienced while driving an ambulance ever came up.

As Darryl navigated the third phase of his life, whatever trauma he experienced with the ambulance company, was the foundation on which so many of his friends who died through the years would be added to.  Many of our conversations during this part of his life were spent listening to him cry and rage at his deep loss.  I could do little but listen and express sympathy.

I Will Never Forget

The years in between the first and last phase were spent by a lost soul.

Somewhere and somehow, Darryl found illegal drugs.  His addiction drove him to live on the streets and wander for many years.  During this time, I believed that I would receive a call telling me that Darryl had died from an overdose.

I do not remember how many times I saw or spoke with Darryl during his days on the streets.  But there was one time we met that I will never forget.

The Deformity

We arranged to meet at South Mountain Park and Preserve in the Arizona desert south of Phoenix.

I was happy to see Darryl after so many years apart.  As we spoke, I was startled to see how agitated he was.  Darryl could not relax.  He kept grinding his teeth and jaws together.  When he opened his mouth to speak, I caught glimpses of bare nubs of teeth left in his mouth, reduced to almost nothing by the relentless grating of his mouth.

As a boy, Darryl had horribly buck teeth.  They almost pushed straight out.  Braces corrected the deformity before we were teenagers, but the man I saw now had almost no teeth left in his mouth.

I Was Very Proud

To my surprise, Darryl found his way to the other side of his addiction.  It was a miracle.

Darryl discovered that he had some veteran’s benefits from his time in the Air Force.  This assistance got him off the street and kept him clean while teaching him a skill.

After his training was over, Darryl was hired to work for the Veteran’s Administration doing medical coding.  This work took Darryl through his third phase of life.  He was very proud of his ability and proved he was meticulous and capable in his efforts.

I have shared Darryl’s story with so many friends and acquaintances over the years.  It proved that no one is too far gone.  No matter how far down the path of drug addiction a person may be, there is always hope that they might return from that dead end of life.  I was very proud of how hard he worked after the second phase of his life.

His Home

Less than a month before his death, Darryl confessed to me that he was drinking 2 pints of rum a day.  I encouraged him to get help and he said that he did.  Whether he did or not I will probably never know.

Darryl also had severe deep vein thrombosis.  It is possible that one of the blood clots in his left leg broke loose and went into his lungs causing a pulmonary embolism which would certainly have killed him.

I received the news of Darryl’s death from his son.  Darryl’s employer, the VA, had not heard from him for several days and they sent a police officer to do a welfare check.

Darryl worked from the trailer that was his home and he was found by the officer with several empty bottles of liquor around him.

Our Lives Eventually Change

The question of how my brother died may never be clearly answered, but that is not what is most important.  What is important is that Darryl had many times professed faith in Jesus Christ.  It is in this knowledge that I trust he is in heaven with the God I know.  One day when I take my final journey from this life to the next, I expect to see my brother, whole and complete, in the fullness of life that God intended for us from the very beginning.

Do not take those in your life for granted, no matter how you feel about them.  When it’s over, it is over.  After they are gone and your feelings change, it will be impossible to speak with them and reconcile.  It may be difficult to believe you would ever want to reconcile but just as the weather changes four times a year, the seasons of our lives eventually change whether we want them to or not.

And no matter how we fail in this life, if we turn to Jesus Christ while it is still called “today,” then we too can find the true life that God has for us beyond the vale.